I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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