Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
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You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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