Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
