i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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