It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
