I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?