A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.