maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar