:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.