I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.