If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.