Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.