the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
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Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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