yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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