Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....