The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful