hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person