started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize