I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
