non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
