C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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