I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
