I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
