Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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