I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
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it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
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I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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