we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.