Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event