I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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