I am in a vortex of obligation.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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