Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize