this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
