I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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