I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
