Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
