mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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