Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
the liver wants what the liver wants
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?