Ambien. No doubt about it.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"