those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.