Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
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i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.