so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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