Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.