NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
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his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??