Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring