So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.