I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now