Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?