I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.