I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times