He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
its like you know when i get waxed