I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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