the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
