You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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