In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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