well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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