I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
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This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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