He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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