I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
