Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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