I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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