You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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