College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
