He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize