This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
