the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
being pregnant is like rehab
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize