Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.