Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
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I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
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I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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