I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
