actually, I'm a sock model
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"