maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
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She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME