it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.