Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
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Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
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Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.