gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude