wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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