Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Houston, we have a blender
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
