i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize